Failed: Down the Milky Way!
What a quick descent. I just counted 49 days.. Supposedly trying to reach higher day by day.. Waiting anxiously for the day.. קבלת התורה but then in a moment I lost it! Down the milky way..
(Truthfully I never really started the ascent..Now If I'd really prepare myself.. And would've used the days improving myself step by step...
but it's not lost- G-d gives me another chance today. I really need to control my anger. I pray though G-d please don't test me.
אל תביאיני לא לידי חטא ולא לידי עבירה ולא לידי נסיון ולא לידי בזיון)
I am sure you are familiar with how the refrigerator looks on Yom Tov - jam packed B"H with an abundance of food... cakes, kugels, quiches, desserts.. salads.. I had just finished eating the chopped liver on Shabbos morning.. when I entered the kitchen to prepare a fruit platter and cut up watermelon for dessert so that I can put it in the freezer to chill.. I opened the refrigerator and saw a small puddle of milk. I was really upset at him for not closing the bottle properly and with lots of anger screwed the cap on real tight and closed the fridge. And then I heard a bak-bak-bak-book-bak-book sound. I opened the refrigerator and the entire big bottle of milk spilled.
It was all over the refrigerator.. all over the food.. into the dishes I prepared... for the next hour and so..I was busy cleaning up. I had to take out everything from the overpacked fridge.. wash off and wipe off the milk, clean the fridge and rearrange everything... It was a lot of work.. especially after been tired from preparing for Yom Tov and Shabbos and serving all the meals... and entertaining everyone. He had just left.. and everyone heard my yelling about what a mess he had caused. (ha ironically- it was really me who caused the mess.. but I blamed it on him.. if he would've closed it properly in the first place.. then it wouldn't have happened... but I got angry and G-d showed me - hey you can do it even better... you spilled the entire bottle.....but I was still angry at him and just focused on the times when he leaves things open and doesn't always clean up perfectly after himself... )
When he came back I gave it to him.. "I don't forgive you.. Well not yet.." (an hour later I told him that I forgive him.)
I missed the rest of the Seudah cleaning up and I was disappointed in myself..
What a weakling. You fail where it matters.. כל הכועס כאילו עובד עבודה זרה -not living with a G-dly consciousness but allowing other powers to rule ח"ו.. Please help me G-d to not lose it.
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